It Just Keeps Happening

[pocketspa]

Welcome To The Void Meme

Stop what you're doing!

No, really. Stop what you're doing. Put the pause on that tire fire you call your life. No, don't un-pause it. Leave the pause on.

Where you are now is not where you were before. The details are...vague. The details are always, often, rather vague. A place that's similar, or not. Fantasy Costco down the hall, the Voidfish in the basement. The calm waves of a never ending void somewhere off a while, and inches to the left. And everywhere else. And tapping on your shoulder. It's fine, just don't talk to it.

You're here now. You're here now. You're here now.

A lot of you are here now. A lot of.... you, are here now.

Might as well have fun with that.

[ooc: a general mingle to start us off! Doubles welcome and encourage. Only TAZ characters (canon-only) to start! Post your character's name and relevant aus/craus in the headers!)

Comments

U GOT IT BIG FUCKO

[counttheshells]

[See, it's almost funny at this point that Taako thinks he can pull something like this over on her. Like she hasn't seen him eyeing her, thinking of the right one-liner, hands clenching and little fidgets betraying a churning mind. It doesn't matter how long they've been apart, how much has passed between them. He's her brother. Her twin. Her heart. They'll find their way back to each other, and she'll know every twitch of his eye revealing his gaze, every flick of his wrist meaning a thought dismissed, as intimately as if it was yesterday.

Maybe it was, even. It's a little hard to tell.

She lets slip an undignified snort of laughter, head tilting just a bit in his direction but eyes proving she's openly watching him, as well.]

Yeah, what a ripoff. If you want our presence you can't make the joint byob. It's free shit or nothing, right? That's how you bring in the coolest of us.

[Whatever... us is, now.]

Maybe if you start shouting someone'll just show up, like. Cause enough of a fuss and it'll summon some nachos?

[tuffgreg]

[When she laughs, he instantly relaxes. It's kind of incredible, really, how familiar she both is and isn't. Like he's got a version of his life with her forever at his side, and he's got a version where she never existed at all, and both of them exist equally in his mind. It's complicated in a way Taako doesn't like dealing with, and he smirks, pulling his gaze away to check his manicured nails, casualness both performative and natural.]

Yeah, everyone knows if you complain about the food enough, someone's gotta give you free shit at some point. That goes double if the food doesn't exist in the first place. I could riot outside the Chug 'n Squeeze until they just throw hors d'oeuvres straight into my proffered hands. Then this'll be a party.

[He stretches out and makes no move to actually get up and go start shouting at the Chug 'n Squeeze like he just implied, looking up at the stars she was just gazing at, wondering what she sees in them and if it's any different than what he does these days. Does she still see a childhood on the road, does she still look for the brightest star in the sky that's probably really a planet, something that always brought comfort when the fewest things did, and, oh, he's just realized that familiar old constellation he's never been able to find as an adult was in another plane entirely, wasn't it? Well, shit. There's that mystery solved.]

So, you like, work here now, or something? Is that how this works? 'Cause, you know, I think I was about to quit or something. Creative differences and all that. Funny, we nearly missed each other.

[Yeah. Funny.]

[counttheshells]

[A lot of things are funny about this scene, in a way that's simultaneously crushing and hilarious as reality tends to be. There's been a lot for both of them, but her preference at the moment is holding the thought of Taako yelling loudly enough for a lobster puff to be chucked through the wall and land perfectly in his mouth.]

Hell, I'd join you on that one. What're the apps like around here? Based on the effort of the rest of this place it might not be worth the fuss.

[She moves her eyes back to the stars, letting his movement stay just in her periphery, pretending to cozy up to the floor. Looking at him's too direct, betrays a lack of familiarity they're both chasing in the moment. She doesn't have to see him for him to be there. He's just there. That's how it should be with them, knowing each other without saying, reaching for the same star.

People like that, they don't just leave you. And when you're a person in her position, with a soul of pure magic and memory, he can't leave her. Not completely.]

Mmm, considering the options. Don't know if the boss is too keen on me these days, though. Used to have a real thing goin', but I think we came to some, uh, disagreements.

[There's no point in doing this dance, and simultaneously every point in accomplishing it properly. Like a test to the both of them as they fall into step again, like a promise to each other that they haven't forgotten the words to a favorite song.]

Guess we just ended up here at just the right time. And still, no proper party.

[She tilts her head a bit more, so she knows he can see the flash of a grin.]

Not even a game room with an open pool table. Opportunities missed, I'm thinkin'.

[tuffgreg]

The Chug 'n Squeeze may sound like a real schmutzy kinda outing with the ironic name and everything, but the way they baste their shrimp rumaki is deffo worth it. But don't take my word for it, just show up on their doorstep and start threatening to key their windows until they let you speak to a manager.

[The joking comes easy. Taako can joke with anyone -- he's learned to adapt his rhythm to others' over the years. Call it a learned survival instinct. Keeping things light. But he's not sure whether that's what this meeting should be, a practiced falling into step with someone the same way he does with anyone. Should they let their guards down? Should they cut it with the smalltalk and actually try to reconnect like people are supposed to?

Taako doesn't like the sound of that. It scares him. He remembers never letting anyone, not even anyone he's dated, in like that. No more than a line or two of real emotion, real vulnerability and it's gone quicker than it came.

He also remembers a sister he shared everything with. A sister he had no secrets from. A sister who, when they were alone, and I mean really alone, saw a Taako without performance.

It shouldn't be like this, he's sure of it. It shouldn't just be "how's the weather" and "how's the food". Not with her. But he can't just open up just like that. Forcing it would be even worse. He has to do this right.

He stops stealing glances and he starts to memorize her shoes. He'd forgotten about this pair. She always had good taste. That's why he always stole out of her closet, after all. He doesn't comment on them like he doesn't comment on her strained relationship with the Director. He kind of has one too these days, much as he likes the woman in charge.

But she brings up old times, playing pool in the form of an inside joke, and he can't help but grin, snickering at the memory. Speaking of shoes, huh? Did she get these ones from then? He can't remember.]

Yeah, you know the Director, she'd never let us get away with a pool table. She knows exactly how that'd end. We'll just have to find another way to grift these suckers. You got any ideas? My brain is giving me "conjured girl scout cookies" but not much else to work with.

[That's the thing about being with Lup. Before he shares them with her, his ideas were always half-formed. Call it a twin thing.]

[counttheshells]

[She rolls her head dramatically, almost looking at him, but not quite. Her arms stretch out above her and crackle for a moment with sparks before she closes her fists roughly, all of it dispelled.]

Yeah, and then I'll have to light something up to let 'em know we mean business. Or, y'know, just for fun I guess. What if we just out-cook 'em? Then we have the kitchen and the shrimp. Just take the place over with some rangoon.

[It's hard to parse what's occurring between them right now, if she's being honest. She doesn't have the full scope of what happened, but the thought of living with forgetting him is unbearable- to her, quite literally so. But that's his reality, and coming to terms with it must be even more complicated, mental gymnastics over things that are simultaneously real and fake. Conclusions drawn and endings reached based on things that have and have not existed.

Maybe she does understand, in that it would take so little physical strain to touch him right now, but a million planar system's worth of thought. It's hard to admit that mustering up the courage for something so simple could seem so far.

She reaches her hands out again, arms above her head, fingers meeting each other in a pitiful excuse for the action she should be taking. She was always the initiative. What is she doing now? What boundary is she scared of crossing? She can't figure out if she's creating the line she's toeing, whether it be from here, or the voidfish, or choices she made long, long ago out of love and protection.

She made her choice. They're different, now. But Lup is nothing if not stubborn, a fire engulfing her surroundings to stay lit, an unrelenting push forward as part of her nature. She can't consume him and fix this. She can't just take him away from here, in the way they took each other away from their world.

Slowly, Lup drags a hand down to meet her face, pretending to tap on her chin. Move forward.]

See, then someone would catch us on the uniforms. I'm thinkin' more we should take advantage of the fact that there's people around here who trust you, and also have things we want, and also conveniently have never met me.

[Move forward. Try harder. Burn brighter.

It's the only way to go from here.]

[tuffgreg]

I dunno, we might have to break out the big dogs for this one, Lup. Deconstructed rangoon. I know, I know what you're about to say, and I agree with you. "Deconstructed dishes are just for hack chefs who couldn't stand the heat and ran out of ideas." But, uh, those are the words of someone who hasn't experienced open-faced crab and cream cheese rangoon. Genius, I know.

[She's just like he left her, really. Like she hasn't changed at all, but he feels like he has. It's not just that, when he doesn't concentrate for a second, he suddenly doesn't look quite like her twin anymore. There's so much that wasn't just written over, but added, ten years of more and more memories without her piled on and on.

She doesn't even know his secrets anymore. He knows all of hers. But the worst years of his life were without her. And Taako just doesn't... share that with anyone. She's not just anyone, that's not how he thinks of her, but even Angus barely got a vague rundown of what happened.

He feels almost like he's going to blurt it out. Really level the playing field. But it's contextless and it's vulnerable in a way he doesn't feel like being and he bites his tongue.

He hates feeling this distant from her, but he's forgotten how not to be.]

What, so, classic twin switcheroonie? It's been a while since we've done that. And you know how it got harder and harder for me to do a Lup after the better part of a century.

[After the better part of a decade, which should be a blink in an elf's eyes. But those ten years stretch out like ten miles between them.

He tears his gaze away from her shoes and curls up with his knees, leaning his head against them, neck turned to face Lup. Actually look at her. Fuck pretending this is normal.]

Hey, uh... what do you say instead we just ditch these clowns and hijack an orb and launch ourselves into an adventure to put them all to shame? Tres Horny Boys who? I'm sorry, have you not met Dos Rowdy Twins??

[That's a thought. Really make up for lost time. Really just go off the grid and forget everyone but each other. The way it used to be.

If there's a desperate edge to his voice, she'd be the one to find it.]

[counttheshells]

[She laughs, and god, she wants to reach out, pull him close, find someplace she knows they won't be found and just talk for as long as it takes. But she can't force it, can't force him, and she can't help but feel this is a precipice, and she's not the one dangling at the edge.

She can't lose him again, and it's disarmingly literal. He's her heart. If she had forgotten him... how much of her would even be left?]

I mean, it's fuckin' hard when you're around the same 7 people and they start knowing your ticks 'n shit. But here, y'know, I think we've really got some leverage.

[She goes to continue the bit, think of something really good to tie it together, but he looks at her and the whole world stops.

Not all exits are made equal. Not all beginnings are the same. She can see it, in his eyes, the difference 10 years has made without her, the difference years of fake memories has drawn. His voice hitches and she feels it more than she hears it, somewhere deep in her soul, and she comes so close to not being able to handle it. To not being able to handle any of this, to run and run and run until there's nowhere else to go.

Instead, she draws herself up, and pulls him into her arms. She can't joke about this anymore. She can't do this without him, and the fact he had to without her is unforgivable in this moment. There's nothing else but him, right now, and if she could press herself closer, she would.]

I'm sorry. Taako, I'm so, so sorry.

[tuffgreg]

[The worst thing Taako thinks he's ever felt is the urge to push her away. He goes stiff instantly, looks for an out, looks for a way to get out of the heaviness that is the moment she gives in to her feelings, and he hates himself for it. He can hardly recognize himself anymore, let alone her.

But he forces himself past the impulse and... doesn't quite reach the point of wrapping his arms around her, but he shuts his eyes and leans in, pressing his face into her shoulder with urgency. Who is he without her? Taako? From TV? Who fucking cares?

He must have, once. He must have cared about nothing else. The thought both scares and... hits him with a pang of regret. To think it could've always been Taako and Taako alone. How much easier it would've been.

He doesn't know what he wants out of this. Out of her.]

Hey, Lup, uh... no big, right? I mean, you just kinda... fucked off for apparently forever, but hey, I got a cool umbrella out of it.

[His instinct is more biting than he wants. He instantly regrets it.]

Not like that, I mean... I don't know. You like... died or something. And it didn't reset. That's not your fault.

[Alarm bells are going off in his head the way they always do when Taako lets his walls down. He's learned to parse the world differently in the time she's been gone. There's no Lup exception anymore. Or if there is, he's forgotten it.

He pulls away.

Talk about not being able to stand the heat, huh?]

It's cool, sis. It's not like I had anything to miss.

[counttheshells]

[She knew it wasn't going to work. She knew it, she can feel it in him, and he tries but the ache is deep in her chest, and even through a body and flesh and blood, she can feel the fracture in her soul.

She wants to be angry. She wants to feel that wrath, find Lucretia, scream for hours until she's hoarse about what she did, about what it did to him, to them, but she knows it wouldn't fix anything. She left. That wasn't Lucretia, that wasn't her decisions. She and Barry made the relics, she tried to set it right, and everything fell apart. She wasn't the one who stopped the war, she didn't even come close. Lucretia did what was right for the world.

It just wasn't right for the crew. Lucretia's family. Her family.

Neither of them meant the repercussions. Neither of them could've predicted what was coming. They weren't good or bad. Just choices. But she's never wanted to take any of it back more than she does in this moment. If she had been there, he couldn't have forgotten her. If she had been there, there still would've been the two of them against the world. There wouldn't have been anyone who could've hurt him.

Losing Barry might have almost been worth it not to have lost them both, and that thought hurts her worse, the idea of trading one for the other, and she bites the hurt back as much as she physically can.]

I shouldn't have left. It was-- it was stupid, trying to handle it.

[She's afraid she looks too desperate now, emotion choked in her throat.]

Don't break up the tag team, right?

[tuffgreg]

[Oh god. He realizes he's fucked up instantly. He doesn't know how to handle having someone this close to him anymore and it's already haunting him in the form of the look on her face. He stops breathing the instant he sees the hurt in her eyes. She looks like she's biting back tears almost, and things may be different now but Taako would still grievously hurt anyone who made Lup cry.

Only he's the one that's doing it right now. He feels like a fucking monster.

He knows how hard it hit her, knowing what her plan did to the world. He knows she's always been the compassionate twin. The empathetic twin. The caring twin. She cares too damn much, and he's making it worse. Nothing he could have done could have distracted her from that, but...]

No, Lup, that's not... I mean, I'm just...

[He takes a deep, unsteady breath, trying to figure out how to approach her and fix this. But when he opens his mouth, mitigating words aren't what come out.]

No, I mean, you're right. You shouldn't have left. What the fuck were you thinking? At least take me with you so I'm not...

[Fuck, fuck, dial it back. God, he's a mess right now. He can't open his mouth without saying something he regrets.]

Whatever, it's, it's done now. It's just been the Taako show for a while now. I'm trying to reconcile shit still. I have like two sets of memories I'm working through here, so bear with me. I just...

[Lup could always recognize what Taako was feeling, even if he didn't let it show to anyone else. Right now, when he looks at her... he may not be biting back tears like she is, but he has to swallow through a lump in his throat and when he stares at her he still feels like it isn't real.]

I just want to know why, I guess.

[He knows why she left. He knows she felt like she had to leave.

But why did she leave him behind?]

[counttheshells]

[She tries to steady her breathing, because she knows her reaction is killing him and god she can't keep doing this to him, to herself. She needs to be honest, but the honest truth isn't exciting, or cathartic, it was just...]

It just... wasn't supposed to be that wrong. A couple of days, a quick fix. It wasn't... it wasn't your problem, it was mine. I had to fix what I'd done. It just went wrong.

[Little slips. One unlucky choice. Not good or bad. Just choices.]

Honestly, Taako, you have to believe me, I didn't think it was going to happen like it did. And, hey...

[It's the smallest smile, something sappy she wouldn't say to anyone else.]

Not even Barry could track me down. And you just, you just did it. That's like, twin ESP or something, you know?

[tuffgreg]

Yeah. I guess I did do it. Didn't know shit about it, but I sure, I sure did the damn thing.

[Taako takes a deep breath through his nose. Plays a bit with a lock of his hair as he thinks. She says it wasn't his problem. Yeah, sibling autonomy, and all that, but when has something he was definitely a part of ever been just her problem? Sure, it was just... some awful, stupid little mistake she made, but it still stings. He doesn't know if he's just throwing all the blame he can around at anyone who looks ready to take it or if he's really, actually still feeling left behind after ten long years.

He remembers that feeling now. That awful feeling in the pit of his stomach that he carried with him for as long as he still remembered her after she left. She fucks off and does her own thing all the time, hell, her final note even said "Back soon," and she'd never just lie to him, but, just... leaving without saying anything? Not even giving him the chance to say, "Wait, sis, let me grab some things and we can ditch these bozos together," like he'd always said every fucking time they knew it was time to dip as kids? Like, yeah, she was hurting, but... at least give him the opportunity to help her. They've always been Lup and Taako. Taako and Lup. They're a unit.

Maybe he's too caught up in how long she was actually gone. Maybe he's not really listening to her side of the story. But he still feels that sting, freshly now that he's remembered it all over again. That desperation, that horrible loneliness for the first time in his life.

The loneliness, at least, is more deeply familiar now than it's ever been. It's all he thought he'd known. He's tried to fill the hole she left in his life. A fling here, a long term relationship turned into devastating betrayal there. A couple of clowns he picked up at a nothing tavern. It's a hole he didn't even know he had to fill until recently. But didn't he always still kind of feel it? Every time he felt he couldn't let anyone in, every time he felt distrust? Every time he still gave someone one little, minuscule piece of himself, hoping they could take a mile and hoping he'd let them?

Fuck. He's got to see what Kravitz is doing. He didn't look so good, did he? Taako's been so caught up in this BOB bullshit.

Ugh. That's beside the point. Right now he has to... figure this shit out with Lup.]

Just don't... don't do that shit again. Okay?

[When he reaches over to her, when he links his little finger with hers, it's the smallest gesture. It feels natural. And that's what's still scary about it, to him. That he could look at someone and let himself be comfortable with them. Really, truly comfortable. He's never had that, and he's always had it.]

If we decide to vamoose and throw these clowns to the wind, we do it together.

[counttheshells]

[It's hard for Lup to acknowledge, after even many, many years, that she was wrong about anything. She barrels ahead, passion and too-loud laughter and ideas that run faster than her mouth can keep up. But she's never had to worry about him being too far behind, about his steps matching hers as if there's only one pair left in the dirt.

But she's also never thought about leaving him behind before. She's never thought about an absence of him. But he had to think about an absence of her.

It wouldn't have mattered even if she was only gone for the few days, a week, a month. She did this. And suddenly she finds the words, the ones she's been looking for, even if he might not believe them.]

I'm sorry, Taako. I know I've said that but I... I've done some real shit over the years, but this one probably takes the whole cake, huh?

[Running off into lichdom with only a warning, not a discussion. The Relics and artificing and now... this.]

I'm not gonna leave you again. And I shouldn't have, ever. I assumed a lot of things, about what would matter and wouldn't, and... I shouldn't have thought it would've been okay to leave.

[She puts a little pressure on the link in their fingers, but not much. Just the reassurance that she's here. That she wants to give as much as she takes.]

Together. Alright?